Change — something that I have never particularly been fond of. I’m a creature of habit and love the sense of security that comes with it. I am also very analytical, so when it comes to making a decision, my brain flies wild trying to factor in way too many things. Propagating potential outcomes way too far out for any accuracy — and continually converging to the realization that there are too many unknown variables!!
A few years ago on a LCM retreat, I don’t remember exactly who, but someone mentioned this phrase, and it has stuck with me ever since:
There is no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone.
I have been coming to terms with the fact that in order for me to grow, I need to step outsize of my comfortable Minnesota undergraduate life and into a very exciting but scarily unknown California graduate life. I have explored lots of the possible factors (taken graduate courses, performed research, explored the city, visited the campus, met with students and faculty) but I am still hesitant to make it final. To sign the acceptance letter (yikes!). To move to California (so far away!) for 5+ years (really long time!). To pursue a Ph.D (really difficult!). It’s overwhelming to think too much about.
Through my endless self-doubts and stressful decision making process, I still have had a great sense of comfort and support. And what ever happens tomorrow, a month or a year from now, I know that I will always have a little bit of my comfort zone with me where ever I go. God has brought such an amazing support system into my life (LCM, friends, family) that I know will be with me every step of the way — and words cannot express my gratefulness for that. Even in times of great change, I know that I can trust in the Lord to be that sense of security as I venture into the unknown.
The Prayer of Good Courage from Mountain Vespers (Kent Gustavson) has been a wonderful blessing to me to remember this:
Oh God you have called us | To ventures where we cannot see the end | By paths never yet taken | Through perils unknown | Give us good courage | Not knowing where we go | To know that your hand is leading us | Wherever we might go | Amen